Ever since I got married, being clueless became a new normal for me. Gradually I got aware of the new versions of cluelessness. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t try to get rid of this feeling of being clueless; rather I searched for its solutions but couldn’t find any.
I even consulted one elder of the community who was very popular for his experience in different fields of practical life and was considered as a Field Martial of the Marital Battlefield with self-proclaimed victories against his 4 wives. I went to him with a lot of hope and he advised me that if I want to get rid of the feelings of cluelessness, the only way is to accept that all men become clueless after marriage.
I decided to act upon his advice, not because it was perfect, but because I didn’t have any other option left. Since that day being clueless was not something abnormal to me.
I resumed my pursuit of finding an antidote of cluelessness when my son started asking questions and her mother who is incidentally my wife as well and the major factor triggering my cluelessness, started referring him to me by saying, ‘’Ask Baba’’.
I couldn’t afford to let my son think that I am a clueless person. So this time I decided to give a chance to Google, not because Google is the most reliable, but because my previous experience with human advice was not that much pleasant. With a thirst to revive my self-esteem, I started doing an extensive research. After days and nights of browse wandering, things started getting clear. And on one fine morning when I found an article about Emotional Quotient (EQ), I realised that the reason of being clueless is not an external factor, rather it’s an internal one.
I immersed myself into the articles about EQ like a premedical student preparing for entrance exam. Things that I was totally unaware of started getting revealed upon me, things like emotional management, empathy, being compassionate, etc. So I came to a conclusion that in order to get rid of cluelessness, I need to balance my emotional equation. So I decided to adopt some changes in my life.
Listening vs Speaking:
The first thing I realised that during every discussion, I was putting all my efforts to explain my situation and was not listening to what the other person was saying. And this habit of speaking without listening used to convert a normal discussion into an argument. So I decided that I will listen more and will speak only when required. And it worked in two ways: firstly I started getting full awareness of the situation before speaking and secondly I stopped irritating my wife with too much speaking (you know wives want you to be muted most of the time).
Blaming vs Accepting:
The second thing that was triggering my cluelessness was the fact that in order to avoid criticism I used to blame others for any mishaps, and blaming always led to heated arguments and worsened my cluelessness. So I decided to replace blaming with accepting the responsibility, and it brought amazing results. Because whenever I accepted the responsibility of any mishap, the other person started comforting me by says that it was just an accident and you are not the only person responsible for this, we are a team and we all are responsible for this.
Argument vs Pause:
I also realised that during an argument the only thing that was deciding what I was speaking was the other person. I used to react to what the other person was saying. So I decided to add pause into my discussions. It helped me a lot. It gave me a chance to reassess the situation during the argument and then pacifying things accordingly.
Reflecting vs Reacting:
After realising that cluelessness is an insider’s job, I stopped losing myself into emotional and negative self-talks. I adopted reflecting to the incidents and it helped me to get rid of the vicious cycle of negative emotions. In this strategy, meditation brought a lot of positive changes in my life.
After adopting all these strategies I feel a very positive change in my life and now my cluelessness has subsided to a huge extent. Now I only feel clueless, when my wife decides to have some net practice of arguments on me, and I think she does it with a mind-set that husbands should be given a dose to bring them back to earth.